The Story behind the Beautiful Real Mess…

Today, I needed to revisit my story. A chance to decompress and express. Although it’s intimate and personal, it’s my story. This is me and in between each line is the story of many others. May all the broken pieces become even more beautiful in each of you!

The Beautiful | Real | Mess

My life has been beautiful, is beautiful, (at one time) felt more | BEAUTIFUL|
The kind of beauty that everyone desires,
that everyone deserves.
First love beauty, first home beauty, first child beauty, first real taste of the world…beauty.
Innocence, dreams, hope, home, late nights by candle light, giggles, bright eyes, toasts, well-wishes, strong ties.
Living one beautiful, hopeful, joyful, adventurous moment at a time!

Then came the | MESS |
Betrayal, heartache, fear, pain, anger.
Divorce, loss of home, loss of standing, loss of friends, loss of family… Loss of self.
No Innocence, no dreams, no hope, no faith…
Long days, longer nights, tears that won’t stop, screams that are stifled. Darkness, pain, confusion. MESS.

Then realness… the kind must be faced head on. A cross silently carried, a burden we all share. LIFE.
Daily striving…
Work, work and more work. Job #1, job #2, job #3.
Single parenting, anxiety, nervousness, loss of confidence, loss of trust, loss of self all over again.
Angry moments, fearful nights, angry days, fleeting dreams, fighting fatigue…
Exhaustion, the kind that makes your bones ache… the kind that makes every moment seem more difficult than it actually is.
Blurred vision, no vision.
An alternative reality to the one that is actually wanted/desired.

This beautiful, real mess is mine.
My life, my story, my existence.
One day I hope that this story will come full circle. That I will once again be able to experience beauty in any moment.
Love without fear, joy without pain, sleep without exhaustion. I want to be whole again, to experience life again. To see myself as someone who is worthy, deserving, desired, beautiful. Don’t we all?
One day I hope somebody will see and know all the messy parts. No more secrets, no more silent suffering, no more hidden pain, no more shame.
One day someone will love all my broken pieces back into wholeness, I know it.

One day… I will do more than just exist and function.
I will soar. I will thrive. I will love…myself.
It will be beautiful, it will be powerful and it will be | REAL |


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