Lack of sleep, lots of words.

Words, words and more words…I find such edification from them. The meaning of my exact emotion can be so easily summed up in a single word. I thank God for words; without them I would drown in my own expression and with no release. Especially right now.

I’ve been thinking a great deal about words because truly that’s all I’m really feeling. It’s all I have in me right now…

I think about sleep too and the loss of sleep, which as a result creates lots of  words in my head.

My mind is consumed with thoughts and longing for simple things.

Since coming to this place (a physical, emotional and even spiritual place), I have very much discovered, “a lack of sleep and lots of words.”

This has been an overwhelming and exhausting season. It is a place that I am all too ready to leave and be done with. I have been met with challenges and difficulties that would quite literally knock over an innocent bystander…

The kind of stuff that makes you want to run and take all your senses with you… Whatever kind of special place this is, I quite loathe it. Yet it’s here, or I’m here and so with due diligence; I am attempting to pay attention.

It’s my experience that we feel things for a reason. We experience things for a reason… and even when it doesn’t  always make sense, there is an understanding that comes in the unfolding.

… I feel as if my entire life has been enclosed in a capsule and while I have most certainly cried, screamed and laughed a thousand time before this moment. Truly, I feel as if this is my first time to utter a single sound. Only I haven’t made a sound; it all comes out of me in words… in turn I feel exhausted in the most gratifying and yet empty kind of way.

It’s overwhelming, not only to me but I imagine those around me… thankfully, those I keep close understand this place I’m in. What a blessing and gift that is.

I wonder sometimes if others have the treasure of such validation…hence this little reflection of this late night blog.

I thought writing all this might save someone else the headache of wondering whether or not they are sane… I assure you; you are and so am I.

At least I think so…

We all deserve a  “get away”… a time and space reserved only for us… with no guilt for the lack of movement or focus.

Personally, I want to be lazy and hazy…in fact, I’d prefer not to reason or communicate, not to be seen or heard from…for just a little while. To fall in love with silence. Hmmmm, there is an exhaustion that can not be cured with sleep… there is a silence within the silence that is so hard to reach. Sometimes words can bring us close though.

Chances are you’ve experienced some of this and are thinking along the same lines…craving silence and rest. Writing for perhaps the first time or laying in bed…wondering at the loss of sleep. 

There’s a place I think we must all reach. A place that brings us to a halting stop, even to our knees. It’s a time to pause, to fall apart and then regroup.

To all the tired souls tonight; too tired for even a word’s expression… my thoughts and prayers are with you. I imagine something very great is waiting on the other side of this strange place. I feel hopeful that the days of rest will indeed come again and with them perhaps the treasure of words that can make us thankful for these days… the lack of sleep and lots of words days.


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