Organic Change


No, this is not a post about the beauty of organic foods or lifestyle (though I’m partial to both).

This post is about the beauty of organic change.

While I’ve been accused of making many different mistakes in my life, I can honestly say that living organically has always been a pursuit of mine. That is, living genuinely.

It hasn’t always been beautiful, it’s often been messy… but it has been real, organic.

Yesterday I said good-bye to something that had me living not so organically…

Which is what sparked this discussion and prompted a new train of thought.

There are so many things that create conflict in us, that make us question our purpose or compromise the things we love and believe in. There is no way around the messiness of life, you walk through it and pray to God you make it intact on the other side.

Then again, you do have a choice in how to handle the mess, in how to walk through it and in how you will look on the other side.

Yesterday, I found myself at the threshold of  “the beginning of a beginning” (as they say).

It was rather frustrating, even depressing at first. I soon found myself in a deep discussion with my best friend and was on a roll with my “disappointment in life speech.” I then realized that my disappointment was not in myself or my life, but in the new change.  I randomly spouted off, “this is not organic change!”

Organic change? …

We both paused to think about that for a minute.

What is organic change? I have always thought that organic change was the result of a natural occurrence in life… you know, the progression of High School to College to Marriage to Parenting… or any other life sequence of events.

Well, I am starting to realize that change whether organic or self-prompted, is in fact a part of organic living.

Whether we cause a change to happen, or are directly influenced by a change that we have no control over… we are presented with an opportunity to live genuinely and embrace the next grand adventure.

I know there are many people out there struggling with the gross injustices of change and often ones they have no control over. I know change can be painful, even devastating… However, it also presents the opportunity for a new beginning, a new reflection, a new path and one that might be a hundred times better than the one we were on. I have not always viewed change this way and the next change may not be so grand or easy.

For the moment though; this is something I know must be embraced.

Although this is a random ending, I want to share with you my inspiration from this change… I am choosing to embrace this new uncertainty with expectation and vision. While it may not be easy, I have great hope that it will be worth it.

What makes me happy:

Being creative

Giving and taking care of others

Enjoying beauty

Having adventures

We will see…


A deep breath and divine pause…

I am shocked at the amount of time that has passed since I used words to bear my soul… I decided when starting this blog that I would write here what I might scribble in a notebook, that I would capture my thoughts here, rather than on another sticky note. While my first post was about expectation, this post could easily be titled: “enduring.”

What a difference eight months can make.

In the past eight months: I have moved (a few times actually), changed jobs, traveled to a new state I’ve never visited before, created an office space to begin working from home, working from home consistently (job #2), bought a new/used car, found out my sister had cancer, watched my sister overcome cancer, helped my sister move home, created a fund for my sister, used my writing to share this fund… (which by the way is:– please check it out and pass it on)…

Phew… deep breath, divine pause.

Life is full of uncertainty. One day you’re on top and the next day you’re on the bottom. Then suddenly in the midst of all the chaos, a divine pause comes… you take a deep breath and (hopefully) catch your bearings. These moments are my favorite. No matter what stage my emotions are in, I can reassure myself that progress is being made and that “this too shall pass.” I am able to see where I’ve come from and celebrate it or grieve it. Life is a whirlwind, a most wondrous dance… but without a divine pause, it will end too soon.

Find such a moment, claim it, breath it in. Look back over the day, the week, the month or the year… Take a deep breath and celebrate the moment your in.

The beauty of expectation…

My sister found a shirt (which later became one of my favorite Christmas gifts this year) which reads, “NEVER say Monday.”

How appropriate, it sums up my thoughts exactly.

After four days of Holiday bliss my mind refuses to compute “Monday.” Shhh, don’t even speak it.

With Christmas come such a great sense of expectation and this year the expectation seemed higher.

As I get older, I am noticing that my emotions during the Holidays are always heightened by optimism and a magnitude of positivity. This way of thinking is what I always associate with the innocence of childhood. Oh, to be this way more often and without fear!

As I said, this year seemed more special…and I could not pin point it. After significant thought I realized the cause… expectation.

Expectation was the wind in my sails this Christmas…the buoy to my sinking spirit, after a whirlwind of a year.

Tomorrow is Monday. Christmas is over. My finances are in pitiful shape, did I mention that I have to buy four new tires?

Still, my soul is not bothered as it usually is. My mind is not putrid with discouragement and my heart is not pounding with the adrenaline of a “too-fast-pace.” After four days of grace, I have rediscovered a place inside of me; clear, calm, joyous and expectant.

As a beautiful season gives way to a new year…I am expectant. My expectation is not set on any one person, event, or thing. It is simply set on good. Hope is high in this beautiful mess, my heart is wide open with expectation and it feels good! Monday may not be so bad after all…

Regardless of how your Holidays may have been this year, I truly hope you enter the New Year with expectation. Expectation and sights set high. Hope is not just for Christmas… the wonder, the beauty, the expectancy…this is how life is meant to be lived year round.

Intro to a beautiful mess.

It’s been on my mind (for quite some time) to keep track of all of life’s beautiful messes… we all have a story to tell. My story starts with a great big view… a beautiful mess. Life can best be sum up in the details of everyday living. My life is messy, imperfect… some view it as a disastrous mess, an epic fail. I see it as an honest attempt to live, love and grow. No matter your story or background; we are all a beautiful mess. A masterpiece in the making. Writing is my paintbrush and I’m excited to finally “paint some strokes.” untitled